Excited about his DiDi

Matthew is excited about his didi. He would run often to kiss my tummy, and exclaims "didi, come out now! I want to play with you!"

We read him many books to prepare him for the arrival of his didi. There's a picture from Topsy and Tim: The New Baby where the big brother helps his mommy bathe the baby. He grinned from ear to ear when he saw it, and said, "Didi will shower in my boat (that's what he calls his bath tub), and I will help mama shower didi!"




Other things he says or does that makes me smile -

"I must be gentle if I sleep in the cot with didi. Otherwise, I will crush him."

"Mama kept all these toys for didi. These are toys for babies. I can play with big boys' toys."

In the early days, he thinks that my outie belly button IS didi!

When I am in the bed with him, I use a small pillow to shield my tummy from him in case he bumps into it in sleep. After a few times, he called it didi's pillow, and no one else can touch it other than me and him.

"Matthew came out of mama's tummy so didi can go inside!"

"Didi can only drink milk, but cannot drink juice. Only Matthew and my friends can drink juice from the fridge."

He chose a musical mobile as a gift for didi, and wanted to choose his own gift from didi. I told him I will bring didi to choose the gift, and he gives me a cheeky grin.

His very cute pronunciation of his didi's potential name made us kind of helped us choose that name over the rest.



At the moment, everything seems to point to him being ready to be a very caring big brother. The real test will come when baby is out and vies for my attention and time away from him. But I have faith that my sweet little Matthew will be the sweetest brother to his little didi.

Staying Home

So the decision has been made.

I am going to stay home full-time to look after my children.

And honestly, it scares the shit out of me!

I love Matt, I will love my akan datang baby boy, and I love being a mother.

But I do not know if I can cope.

You see, I have a big problem.

I am a very fang bu xia person, and I am capable of killing myself trying to do everything to perfection. Well, kids never let you have perfection, yet I am known to try till I become miserable, knowingly or unknowingly. That is my greatest pitfall.

And I do not t know if I will do a good job.

How do I know I am doing good? What will be my new Key Performance Indicators, KPIs as known in my job? That my kids know A,B,C and 1-100 by a certain age? Or if they get As, Bs or Cs in school? Or I guess I could possibly create some form of yardstick by pitching my kids against their peers?

Oh! God forbid that, considering how much emphasis I place on my children staying goofy!!

And not to mention this new job, if I may call it "a job", has no tangible benefits yeah? No annual leave, no MC days, no money.

What if my kids drive me mad? What if I am a horrible horrible mama as a result of staying full-time at home?

Well, it's not like it's day 1 that I am a mother. It's just that suddenly I am frightened, maybe so much so that I lost sight of why I am doing this in the first place. To manage my own family so hubs can go hunt in peace knowing that the home is in good hands. To have time with Matt, with di di, to look after them with my own bare hands. To enjoy time with them. To be there for them. To fully live the reason why we decided to have kids in the first place!

I don't know.

I guess best to do is not to over-think things.

I must have faith that I will be able to do it. Positive thinking. I must constantly remind myself that I must be a happy mother, above all else. And learn to laugh at myself a little, let go a lot more.

Apprehensive as I may be, I am very much looking forward to my new role. Wish me luck!

Nasty Cough

Matt developed a rather nasty cough where he was hacking almost every second, literally. It got so bad that his throat and stomach hurt each time he coughed. Temperature yo-yo-ed for days on end, and he could hardly sleep at night despite medication which made him drowsy. He would look at me with sad eyes and repeatedly say, "mama, please help me!"

But nothing I did could soothe him or made him feel any better, and it sucked! :( All I could do was spend time with him, give him cuddles, although it was also hard to do that with a bulging tummy.

He finally showed signs of recovery after 3 such days, and I am relieved beyond words.

I developed fever myself from all that lack of sleep and managing the ship on my own while hubs was traveling, but it is always easy to manage my own discomfort. Just seeing him happy and himself again already made me feel better. My fever has since subsided, just a looming sore throat that is slowly but surely going away.

33 Weeks Pregnant

At 33 weeks pregnant, I am very tired. All the time. Since about 30 weeks maybe? I do not recall being this tired with Matt. I think it only set in much much later towards the EDD with him.

I also have this pain near my groin area which I did not experience with Matt. The pain is particularly excruciating when I change sides in my sleep, or attempt to get up. I am assuming this is normal. A check around with pregger friends - it is apparently very common. Again, this is something new compared to my previous pregnancy.

I get tired even from doing nothing. It's crazy. I am ever so thankful for hubs who tries to relieve me every weekend. He wakes up early every Saturday morning to do the wet marketing. He also prepares meals for the family. Sometimes, he he would bring Matt for outings so I can rest. For example, last weekend, he woke up early to prepare breakfast for the family and brought us all out to the park for a picnic. Then I spent my morning watching people taichi while he brought Matt to the playground. Bliss!

I am also finally getting myself to start preparing for the arrival of the little one. Over the past 2 - 3 weekends, we took out Matt's baby stuff - tested the sterilizer, the breastmilk pump, built his baby cot, the works. I did a stock take on Matt's old clothes, and washed whatever's still wearable. Looking at especially the mittens and booties, can't believe Matt was that tiny before! Having another baby, a boy while at that, and the economies of scale that comes with it certainly quite pleaseth me :)

The excitement is slowly building up.

Who's the Big Bully?!

Matt came home with a bruise above his lip, and I asked him what happened, if any of his friends hit him.

His reply - yes!

I asked him who? And was it an accident?

He said, "The chair, mama!"

What Is Wrong With Me?

It's Friday night, and I am home alone waiting for Matthew to come home from my in-laws. I have been expecting him for the last 40 minutes but he is still not back.

I was supposed to have a date night out with hubs and some friends. I have been looking forward to it. I put on make-up, all ready for a nice dinner after a hectic week. Hubs have been working late a lot. We only manage to talk on the way to work.

But date night didn't happen. In-laws wanted me back early. So I asked hubs to go ahead, he needed a break, too. I came home to eat a lonely dinner of tuna sandwich and a sweet potato.

I am emotional. Doesn't help that hubs already has 3 trips lined up for next 2 weeks. Which means he will be away. Which means I will go at everything solo.

I don't know how to handle this well. I am tired. I am just feeling very emotional. I want to take it out on someone, something. I feel a lot of angst in me, wishing for more support from the people around me. Is it right to expect though? I think I may have too much on my plate - heavily pregnant, mom not tip-top and me feeling lousy I am so far away from her, hubs extremely busy at work, my boss working me hard ahead of my maternity. But everyone has different things on their plates, too.

Sometimes, I am so tired I even feel like "hiding" from Matt. Like when I get to leave work early and reach home ahead of the usual time, I don't want him home just yet. I want to lie down to stone for a while. But I remind myself he is my son, my responsibility. And really, he brings cheer to me. So I get him home.

But tonight I wanted a break. I didn't quite get it. And it sucks.

Am I normal to feel the way I do?

Paris / London Summer 2011

This trip was so last minute that when I confirmed our flight tickets, I could check-in online right away. Less than 48 hours before departure time, we were still searching for hotels in Paris and London, planning our itinerary and stressing over everything including packing for a summer that was apparently not quite summer according to the weather reports (I was close to 7 months pregnant, and we HAD TO travel light because London and Paris are such walking cities).

A trip meant more for Matt above all other factors, we psyched ourselves up for Disneyland Europe and Legoland Windsor. Happy places. While he still enjoyed the usual tame boat, train rides and the works, Matt showed a clear preference for the more exciting rides this trip especially the wilder roller-coasters. Hubs told me of his incessant "Again! Again! Lets do it again!" pleas the moment he gets off these rides. Hubs had to take all these rides with him since I am not allowed on most of them. I managed to get many good photos of them on the rides because I was busy most of the time planting myself on strategic spots to capture the best angles of the rides.


Disneyland Paris and Legoland Windsor



In Paris, days were spent sight-seeing the Eiffel Tower, the Lourve, and we took the BATOBUS, a river boat shuttle service which covered most of the major tourist sites.

In London, we stayed near Hyde Park and spent a lot of time just bumming at the park, watching squirrels gnaw at their nuts, swans pecking vainly at their furs, largely enjoying the great weather sitting around doing nothing. Tucked at one corner of Hyde Park was the Princess Diana Memorial Playground, which is one of the best playgrounds I have ever been to. Matt bugged us every day while we were in London to bring him there.


The very excellent Princess Diana Memorial Playground


We paid many rounds of 1.50pounds on this rescue vehicle carousel outside the playground

Food-wise, in Paris generally, if we went to restaurants serving real French food, Matt would not have much choice at the restaurants. As such, we dined at cafes mostly (a sore point with hubs since we were in land of foie gras!) and were spaghetti bolognaised and steak frites -out in Paris cos those were the easiest to feed Matt given his lack of adventure with food. In London though, we had great great Chinese food most of the time. This trip, Matt fell in love with the sweet & sour varieties, which he calls "fish / pork with ketchup". No prizes for guessing what dishes I will try and perfect at home :)

We had planned on visiting museums but I felt too tired from walking so much that we abandoned the plan. I also had grand plans of shopping for stuff from stores such as Mothercare where the mark-ups in Singapore are crazily exorbitant, but did not manage to even go anywhere near the shops. The same happened in Paris - very minimal shopping considering my love affairs with bags.

Weather was lovely, sunny but cool, with temperatures hovering around 14-20C. Since it was summer, we had really long days, and at 10pm, it was still as bright as it in Singapore as say, 4pm.

We would have loved to cover more places than what we managed to, but I also did not want to over-tax myself. As hubs said, we will definitely return. At the end of the day, we live for this face -

Langkawi 2011

Not quite in the mood to blog recently. A bit of an unhappy period of time, so I will blog on our recent trips to lift my moods.

We took 2 trips in a span of 2 months despite me being 5 - 6 months pregnant, mainly in recognition of the fact that we are likely to be grounded for a while once the baby is out. Another factor driving the decisions was the desire to spend as much time as we can with Matt before the little one arrives.

In May, we went to Langkawi. We were deciding between Bali and Langkawi, but settled for the latter as the flight was shorter since I was halfway through pregnancy and was getting big.

We were both super busy before the trip to do too much planning. The idea was to just get away from it all. I wasn't too convinced that it would do me any good. I thought, I would rather spend the time sleeping at home through that 4 days. Hubs also had his reservations because he was extremely busy at work. The only happy trooper was Matthew.

But somehow, resorts have this ability to make you just let go. For 4 days, we didn't watch the time, woke up late, hardly checked the phone, did nothing when we didn't feel like doing anything, ate trash. It was bliss.



We went canoeing, which, unfortunately, Matt didn't quite enjoy. We swam in the morning and in the evening every day in the villa pool. Because we spent so much time in the pool (and bath tub), Matt really improved in his water abilities and he can finally blow bubbles underwater, and moving along the pool wall for rather long distances by clinging on to the edge of the pool with his fingers. We also did some sight-seeing - took a very scary cable car ride at Oriental Village, walked an equally scary curve hanging bridge, visited the Underwater World Langkawi, and walked through a pasar malam, a first for my little boy.









It was a good getaway.

Happiness is looking at happiness looking back at me. Such a cheeky monkey face never fails to bring a smile to my moodiest day.

Matt Meets Mr Baldy

I was back in Malaysia last week, and hubs and Matt flew in only after ma's surgery.

Hubs had his first I-need-to-dig-a-hole-and-hide-right-now moment, courtesy of Matt.

They were seated behind a bald man, and our dear son, who is in a very descriptive phase of verbal development, LOUDLY and PROUDLY exclaimed -

"That man has no hair!! He has no hair!"

Silence.

No reaction from the man. Minutes later, the man puts on his cap.

Hubs was just glad he brought along books, blueberries, sweets and 2 little toys to distract Matt who also happened to be in a "repetitive" phase of development - he can say something a zillion times just for the fun of it. Thank goodness it was a short flight!

Ma Ill

Since my horrible first tri, I have had more balls up in the air than I am able to juggle. Matt hospitalized, maid problems, in-laws not well. Major and unpleasant, but, short-lived, thankfully.

But they just keep coming. The latest being ma is ill. She has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Big :(

I was in Paris when I received the news. My brother sms-ed me. My heart just sank. I felt so awful I was not able to be with her to give her the support she so needed. I composed myself, then called her and tried to be brave about it, but I just broke down and the 2 of us were
crying over the phone.

There and then, I wanted to cut short my trip. But I had just landed after a 13-hour flight, and was tired as hell. After thinking it through and praying about it, I decided it was best to play my role as a wife and mother - have the break that both hubs (and I) so needed, and enjoy one last holiday with Matt before the new addition comes along - then return home and deal with the issue at hand. There was really nothing I could do to change that fact, so I just called ma and spoke to her regularly.

"Doctor said best to remove the breast. Second opinion also the same."

So to cut a long story short, that is what she will be doing soon. We are hoping the cancer is at early stages, which doctor feels is likely the case. I am keeping my fingers crossed and praying really hard.

I asked her how she feels about losing one of her boobs. "Aiyah, not that your dad is interested in them anymore. Lao liao. Anyway, he said still got one." I am not sure if she is putting up a brave front, but to still be able to have a sense of humour, I do really admire her.

I am sad that she has to go through the physical pain of going through 2 surgeries in such a short span of time, at her age (she's almost 70!), and the emotional trauma that accompanies the whole thing. I only wish I can be there for her more, but I am so far away, and I am nearing the time when air travel is prohibited for the stage of pregnancy I am in.

Lego

Matt likes Lego, and builds ONLY big mega structures. Like this ...

... and this ....

The first one, he says it's an ark, after Noah's Ark. The size is huge, as is in the story, but the similarities end there. On all his arks, there must be a house "for mama to cook in", and "flowers for mama" (the red thing sticking out next to the house). Then there are many captains, and there is a crane to help build the big ark. But no animals.

The second one, it's his steam train.

18 Weeks Pregnant

So many negative blog entries lately, wanna move on to something happy :)

I am expecting another boy!! :-)

At the 16th weeks scan, as with the 9th and 12th week scan, the little tyke was actively squirming around. Then my gynae scanned between his legs, lo and behold, we saw that cute little willy willy :)

Gynae: Do you want to know the sex of the baby?
Hubs: I think we know hahahaha!

We went home and we told Matt Matt he will have a didi, and we asked if he can share his toys with him. Initially, it was an outright no! But slowly, his sweet demeanor shows through.

He comes to me with some toys. Then he lifts my t-shirt and places a tow truck on my tummy."Share with didi!," he says, pulling down my t-shirt to cover my tummy and the truck. I point to his new excavator. "How about that? Share with didi also?" New toys are out of bounds, I guess, and he becomes defensive. "No, only tow truck." I tried again. "Then didi will have no excavator, and he will be sad." He thought for a bit, then lifted my shirt, took the tow truck out and placed the excavator on my tummy. "Didi touch only. No cover shirt!"

Hahaha! I had a good laugh, and gave him one big cuddle. I hope he stays sweet like this.

It Really is in the Air

When the pedi told us that the stomach virus Matt caught is "just in the air," I complained to hubs in the car - "Warrau! Pay so much just to hear this kind of advice."

But it really is just that. In the air. Hubs caught the stomach virus last Friday just by hanging around Matt, and puked and diarrhea-ed the long weekend away, with fever spiralling up and down. He spent 3 days in bed, with hardly any food intake, feeling weak and miserable. He said he never felt this awful from stomach virus before, and wondered how Matt must've suffered while in the hospital.

I was worried I would come down with it, too, since I was the closest to him in the hospital. To worsen things, Matt, with low immunity after having just barely recovered, caught the flu bug from his cousin on Saturday, and last night, his fever spiked up to almost 39C. People tell me pregnant ladies have stronger immunity, but I think the flu is the last straw for me. I am somewhat coming down with fever and a cough.

Anyways, since the viruses these days are crazily scary and we can catch it just like that, I think the best way to stave off illnesses is really to keep ourselves in tip top state of health. Me thinks eating well is key, and getting enough sleep is vital. Enhance with some vitamins if need be. I started Matt on probiotics and cod liver oil sometime back, but was never diligent at it, as I am with my own vitamins. Guess I better buck up. Oh, some exercise if time permits, but that's a tough one for me at the moment.

Can't wait for hubs to come home from his business trip tomorrow. Badly need to sleep.

We Hate Hospitals

The Easter weekend that passed has been one of the worst weekends. Matthew was hospitalized for what the pedi said was a very serious of stomach virus.

It started out with a lack of appetite Friday dinner. By bedtime, he had a major laosai, followed by 2 rounds of vomiting. Saturday morning, we brought him to the pedi, and he threw up couple of times in the car despite not having any food intake. We were sent home after an anti-vomit jab, and asked to monitor closely. Matt was mightily thirsty, and fought with us for water and Hydralite. After one hour, he threw up all the fluids he consumed. I started to worry, and when he threw up again after another hour, we made our dreaded journey to the pedi who checked him and ordered for admission to the hospital for drip as by then, he was dehydrated and lethargic.

My very lethargic baby :(

I hope no one's kid ever has to go through the trauma of having to have a drip. Despite already so weak, he fought so hard against the nurse who bundled him up in a blanket and used her entire body weight to pin him down while the pedi inserted the needle into the back of his hand. Matt is very strong, and he cried and fought till his face was tomato-red. All I could do was helplessly stroke his head and prayed for Jesus to take all his pain away. As hard as I tried to stay strong for him, I was crying equally hard and wished with all my heart I could be the one taking the pain on his behalf.

His left hand was also bounded to a cast to prevent him from yanking out the drip from the right hand, rendering him completely handicapped. Naturally, it traumatized him badly - he'd wake up from his naps to yell at me to remove them, then fall right back to sleep. My heart broke each time it happened.


Exhausted after fighting with the nurse; So weak, stoning away on the hospital bed

The first time it happened was about 2.5 hours after the drip was first administered. He managed to fall asleep, but then woke up 1.5 hours later screaming for me to take the drip out. That was when I noticed his cast was wet. So was the bed where his hand rested. I examined closer, and saw some blood under the tape. I summoned the nurse, and when she removed the tape, the sight that greeted me filled me with first, fear, then anger. Matt was screaming all the while, presumably from pain? Then I was angry. How did it happen? Who screwed up? Why did they not check that they connected the drip to the needle insert tightly? But more so, I was angry that precious hours ticked by with unsuccessful treatment that he so badly needed. I was alone then for hubs had gone for reservist, and between consoling Matt and having to go through the trauma all over again of correcting the needle, I could not do anything else.



The next 3 days in the hospital was all about pacifying and comforting him. He refused to let me out of sight whenever he was awake, and even with me sitting beside him, he'd be sobbing or outrightly having mega burst of tears. We had to monitor that he doesn't throw up. He had zero appetite, and we fed him Hydralite to give him some energy. Fever yoyo-ed for the entire duration. We kept him happy with Iggle Piggle. In our eagerness to cheer him up, we made a mistake when we took out his favourite truck because he was unable to hold it. He begged me to take the drip out, and begged me to bring him home. I felt so helpless.

Then on Monday, despite pedi's uncertainty, we asked to be discharged as we felt that Matt would probably recover better at home. He was still largely lethargic, not eating much except some bites of biscuits and bread, but he was drinking and keeping the fluids down. Another round of trauma taking the needle out, then we were out of the hospital.

Elated when I told him we were going home!

On Tuesday, though, he threw up twice, and I panicked and wondered if I made a bad decision. I worried through the night until our check-up the next morning. Miraculously, his energy returned on Wednesday, but pedi said he was not out of the woods. But he proved the pedi wrong, and he demanded for beef and rice which we fed and he chomped down greedily at lunch AND at dinner. He had a mega outbreak of very itchy rashes all over his body especially at his joints, caused either by the virus, or a new anti-diarrhea medicine we introduced that morning. By Thursday, the rashes cleared, and he was eating his meals regularly. We avoided milk still, as we suspected the 5 tablespoon he demanded from us caused the relapse on Tuesday.

I am exhausted, but I am just glad this whole episode is over and my little boy is healthy again. I wish I knew more specifically what caused this bout of virus so I can take steps to prevent it, but it's hard to pinpoint. All I can do is to pray that he never catches it again, ever.

Back-Breaking Activities

Papa is a flatbed truck!


Running in the air! (struggling against being carried by papa to do things I don't wanna do!)

The Head of the Household

Now, the big boy. The man of the family.

Poor, poor hubs had to bear the brunt of running the entire household, looking after me and Matt, and still working in a merciless client-driven job. On top of that, cope with a sudden surge in business travels which added on to the stress of leaving the family behind, worried sick if we'd be able to cope.

He had to do grocery shopping, cook Matt's meals during the weekends, made sure I had food to eat every 2-3 hours before my gastric hit me, instruct the (problematic) maid what to do, and above all, stay positive for the family.

You'd think I'd be the most grateful wife, but sometimes I am extremely demanding and moody, which made things difficult for him. We bickered some. I scolded him sometimes for what now I remember not, but I was hormonal and wanted company all the time. He would rush home from work early whenever he could, only to be working from home and answering endless work calls, which sometimes made me mad. I tried to be understanding, but it was a trying time for everyone.

Yet the only thing he says is, "It's okay that I am tired, but it's not okay that I see a sad face every time I come home"

I guess it's not that I was sad, but I was just in pain and was tired, smiling would be completely faking it although eventually, I struck a I-am-strong pose flexing my weak arms up which made him smile.

That's our way of keeping things going. Cute funny actions that break the intensity of things, and having the faith that things will tide over in no time. And I just have to keep reminding myself that he has done his utmost best in the given situation, and not conveniently take it out on him just because he is the closest person to me.

The Little Boy

During my down time recently, my two boys have been amazing! Lets start with Matthew.

This little one surprised us with his maturity. When I was hospitalized, we wondered if we should let him come visit me given his stickiness to me. Hubs decided to bring him anyway, but not without explaining in depth what was happening. While he wasn't sure if the little one understood completely (or whether he would accept the explanation when it was time to leave), he also felt that it was plain cruelty to not let him see his mama for days.

I heard his voice outside my room, and when he toddled in, the joy on his face ... oh my! Ok, maybe mine, too. He hugged me, kissed me, sayang-ed my face before he got busy with the up/down lever on my bed, the movable food table, the tube going into my hand, and the works. After about 45 minutes or so, when it was time to leave, he started to protest with incessant chants of "I want mama!" but reluctantly toddled over and hugged me with a downcast face after a session of pep talk. No tears.

After I was discharged from the hospital, we naturally had to make adjustments at home. One was sending him to my in-laws after school every day till after dinner. Two was having hubs go through the whole bedtime routine with him and putting him to sleep. Matt really did not like it initially and struggled to fall sleep, resulting in late sleeping nights. He accepted it over time, but it didn't stop me from feeling guilty.

Whatever it was, he knew "mama is sick", "mama needs to rest" and "I cannot disturb mama", phrases he would repeat to himself as he goes to his room with papa.

We struggled somewhat when he fell ill, and in his sleep / naps, he would sometimes cry "I want mama!" There was even once in his groggy state (from his medication), he toddled over half-conscious to my room and clambered up onto my bed to sleep on me.


So so tired, and a little insecure


Every night when he came home, he would run up to check on me, and if I was awake, he'd ask for me to rock him. Completely broke my heart.

But given his character, I am very proud of him for coping pretty well with the abrupt changes in our family.

All For a Good Reason

The last 7 weeks or so have been rather trying.

I was hospitalized over CNY. I threw up every other hour, and when I saw blood in my vomit and a pee that was orangey red, I knew I had to seek professional help. I was admitted to A&E, and was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum - extreme, persistent nausea and vomiting that led to dehydration. 2-nights at the hospital and 8 packs of drip later, I was discharged and sent home to rest. I was also administered jab to ease the severe gastric spasms. I have been on home rest since.

The weeks that ensued were so tough, I look back now and wondered how I survived. I continued to throw up every day, up to 7 times a day. By evening, vomit would be bloody, which by then I learnt was a result of my oesophagus having been burnt by my stomach acid. I could not eat a thing, which resulted in a mad cycle of gastric spasms, stomach churning which rendered me literally paralyzed in bed, except for the quick dashes to the bathroom when the urge to throw up came. My blood pressure was extremely low.

I tried to eat, but it was impossible with my burnt throat. Not eating exacerbated the gastric. I forced myself to eat, only to throw up again. I found respite in sleeping which came easily because I was so weak. When I woke up, I paid the price - I could feel the acid all the way up to my throat.

I was too weak to even cry. Or pray. Except to cry out in my heart for God to help me and give me strength.

I got friends to pray for me. I asked my parents to make a trip down from Malaysia and stay with me. I sub-contracted Matt out to my in-laws every day after school till after his dinner. On days when hubs travelled, I felt like dying.

I tried to stay positive. All for a good reason, I tell myself. But it was really, really trying. After 5 weeks of throwing up and gastric spasms, I started breaking down. Every day. Each time that I puked, I'd cry. At times, I wasn't sure if I could take it anymore.

But I also knew God would not lead me to where His grace cannot sustain me.

Faith brought me this far. Friends' prayers. Support from parents and in-laws. And love from hubs and Matt.

And also the visits to the gynecologist. At 9 weeks scan, the little one waved at us, as if assuring me that despite it all (me not eating or drinking, me vomiting), he/she is doing okay. I almost wept in the clinic. At 12 weeks scan, the little one somersaulted right in front of us, facing down when the scan started, and doing a run-about turn to face up as the gynae prodded at him/her. Active one I've got :)

Things started easing up in the last 2 weeks or so. I now puke max of twice a day, and can stomach more food. The gastric is gone. The throat still feels parched, that will take time to heal, I suppose.

I look forward to better days ahead. And I praise God every day for this precious gift.