Matthew: Growing Up

Matthew. I haven't been posting much about him.  But we have been doing helluva lots with him. Improving motor skills, reading, writing, art, conversational skills, self-feeding, instilling confidence, independence. It began right about the time I started staying home last September, just before Lucas was born, just before Matt turned 4.

Prior to that, his teachers mentioned to us about his inability use the scissors well, to write A-Z properly, to count accurately, to draw, to wear his own socks, to focus. This feedback was given to us when Matt was 3.5. We asked if he was a happy kid, and they unanimously agreed he is possibly the happiest kid on the block. We asked if other kids could do all that they mentioned about, we didn't quite get an answer, which we took it as no. That was our pride speaking, of course.  As we left, we jokingly dissed the teacher, the kindergarten system.

Deep down, we left disheartened, were concerned, but rested in assurance that he was happy. That was of utmost importance to us.

BUT.

We decided we HAD TO do something about it.  For the longest time, we didn't quite bother with many things, rightly and wrongly. We have been lazy parents  :p  It was time to correct the things that had somewhat gone off the course, and it was time to address his educational needs.  While we felt that perhaps expectations were high from "local kindergartens", Matt will eventually be part of the Singapore education system which he cannot escape from, not unless we migrate elsewhere.

So we embarked on many projects to help Matt, to get him up to curve.  We tried to keep things as fun as possible.  We wanted him to continue to have a childhood and not be sucked into the regiments of "school" at only 4!

We wrote letters to Santa, we splashed paint.  We started him on Kumon: they cover everything from cutting/pasting, colouring, A-Z, 1-100, mazes, drawing, time, math. The best part about it, Matt loves the series. Maybe it's the predictability of the Kumon method, he actually asks to "study" as he calls it.


Focused on cutting and pasting


Hubby taught him art.  To get him interested, he drew his favourite vehicles, then got him to colour them.



The education bit was the easy one.  Motor and social development, more challenging.

Before, because we were working and he was largely left to the devices of our helper and grandparents, most things were done for him.  He watched TV while having his meals.  He was baby-talked to most of the time.  He was pat-patted to sleep in the afternoons.

Some undesirable traits as a result - He was under-developed in some motor skills.  He didn't speak properly.  Little eye contact.  He was afraid to get his hands dirty.  He was somewhat not as comfortable with sand despite several beach holidays.  He doesn't feed himself.

We took deliberate steps to correct everything.

We allocated time for him to wear his own socks, shoes, clothes.  We budgeted time for him to have longer meals because he wasn't fed.  We cut out even educational DVDs.  We spoke to him.  Made him listen.  Things we were doing already doing but was never quite consistent because when he's not with us or if we were rushing, he gets away.  But now that I am home, there's greater control, which results in a method that kids reportedly thrive on: consistency.  Sure, there were moments when I took short-cuts because there's Lucas, too, but it was certainly not like the times when he was at my in-laws.

A friend got him a kids' blender for Christmas.  I made him cut fruits, get his hands all slimy.  He protested, but he made himself the yummiest smoothie.  I see him cope.  Initially, he kept repeating to himself, "I can wash my hands afterwards".  Now, he wants mess.

We brought him to different playgrounds every day.  Sand play.  Different kids, different dynamics.  He now rolls happily in sand.



In 3-6 months, before he turned 4.5, he was able feed himself and finish his meals fairly quickly without TV, wear his own clothes, button his clothes, wear his socks, look more at people's eyes when he speaks to them, write his A-Z, lower and upper letter cases, count 1-50, read some simple words, tell time up to half-past, draw some, cut, paste. He related to Lucas well.  We even worked in getting him to go diaperless at night, with only 3-4 accidents in the first 2 months, and none thereafter.


All his own effort, except help with spelling

Of course, I wouldn't dare claim that it was all our effort.  A large part of it, we felt, was also because maybe he simply came of age.  Whichever the case, we are mightily proud of his remarkable progress in such a short time.

Out-Sourcing

With the baby due anytime, and unsure if I can manage especially when hubs travel, I have taken the first step in out-sourcing things I do every day for Matt. The first, after thinking long and hard.



The school bus.

I fetch him from school daily, so I decided to let him take the bus home instead. My heart aches just thinking about my little boy who is not even 4 taking a school bus all by himself. My only consolation - he loves buses. He was really excited when I talked to him about it the yesterday, giving him assurance that I will be at home to greet him.

Today, he got off with a big, big grin as he ran towards me and gave me a hug.

But we will still fetch him to school as I cannot bring myself to wake him up any earlier to catch the school bus.

More on School

Tueday was like Monday. Bleah.

Wednesday was a 180 turnaround. He waved bye bye after hugging me, and went with his teacher. And after school when I fecthed him, I was told he didn't cry at all.

Today was like Monday and Tuesday. Protest, crying. We parted on negative energies.

I asked him every night if he likes school. He will smile and talk to me about his bread and strawberry jam (his morning snack), tells me his teachers' names, and his friend's (he only knows Clarissa). I tried to rationalise why the erratic crying since I thought we had it nailed yesterday.

The only thing I did different yesterday was to tell him in the car that I was going to work. Today, because we were rushing, I only said that to him as I was handing him over to the teacher.

Lets see, maybe giving him a heads-up earlier helps him.

Numb

Second day of school last Friday, I just spent all my time with him in the class and not stay by the sideline. I did not attempt to distance myself. Cos seriously, it does not work.

Me: Matthew, mama has to go .. ?
M: Work work ... (gives a fierce hug, clings on like a koala) .. I don't want mama go work work!

He knows it. But doesn't mean he will accept it.

I know it has to be by force. Like this morning. The very pitiful scrunched up face. The tears. The plea. The wail. So real. So heartbreaking. I told the teacher, please take him forcefully away from me. I threw him a quick kiss. And just walked out.

I hate it. He hates it.

Why are we even doing this?

We drive silently out from the school. Hubs says he'll be okay. I know he will. But doesn't mean it doesn't hurt each time we go through it.

The gray weather certainly did not help my mood. I miss my little boy.

He Goes To School

We meant for Matthew to start school "officially" this year when we signed him up for N2 after the dilemma. The "official" start date was thwarted as months passed by because we were convinced he needed a "prolonged orientation" to get familiar to the idea of being away from me, from home, from comfort, so away he went to school at the childcare.

So, this is the real thing. A school school. Today is Day 1.

We woke up a good 1.5 hours earlier than usual, but I think I struggled more than him in this respect. I am just so not an early person. He slept badly through the night despite being at the tail-end of his cough/flu, so he is now deep in his afternoon nap, hopefully a long one.

I think his first day at the childcare 5 months ago was more emotional for me, I just felt like I was losing my little boy who is going to grow up faster once he starts school. No such emotion this morning, perhaps because I was also groggy from lack of sleep. He started to whine when he saw the new uniform (which is very similar to the one at the childcare), but he did not have much time to protest because everything was wham bam baroom bam bam. Breakfast was given on the way to school in the car.


Arriving in school, still chewing his bread

The children start the day singing praise and worship songs in the assembly hall, after which they go to their respective classrooms. I knew separation anxiety was going to be an issue, and I thought I would take it one day at a time, although the faster and earlier we do it, the quicker the anxiety will end. Not on the first day, I thought, it would be unfair on him, but I had a go at it nonetheless. That small part of me that hopes for no separation anxiety nudged me on, so I gently told him I had to go work, but I will pick him up after school.

He knew exactly which of my buttons to press, and with that scrunched up face with tears welling up so quick and that pitiful "mama" cry, I quickly decided that today was not the day to push it, what with lack of sleep, plus he's still recovering from his cough & flu.

So I stayed on with him till the end, observing all the children - some crying, some smiling, some stoning, and one really bossy kid. I chatted with some parents, all standing by the sideline giving support to their kids but knowing they will eventualyl have to pull that plug in the next few days. I observed the teachers, they seem to be in control despite the seemingly crazy mess of 16 children going in 16 different directions.


My buddy, Clarissa

In the midst of the organized chaos, I had some private moments when Matt was engrossed with his activities, and that was when I became somewhat emotional. Looking at him pitter-pattering around the class, he has changed so much in the last one year. He's a very sweet boy, and I am quite proud how he has turned out. I hope school can fill the areas where I have not quiet successfully nurtured him, although I can't help feeling like I am losing my little boy who is probably going to grow up so so so fast henceforth. Maybe these are silly thoughts, but I was fighting back tears thinking them. Maybe it's the lack of sleep, maybe it's the mid-cycle hormones ...


The stoning and the yawning came towards end of session

The hours passed by quickly, although he couldn't wait for his first day in school to end. He happily hopped home, because he is holding hands with mama dearest, whose thoughts have already wandered to the days beyond when the dreaded separation anxiety sets in.

Don't Fancy the Fattest Worm

More on the topic of sleep.

When I tell people Matt falls asleep at 11-ish every night, the typical response is a slight look of horror on their face.

Well, understandably. Cause I am horrified myself, really.

I mean, what toddler sleeps at such unearthly hours?

He used to be asleep by 10pm when he was a baby while keeping a nap or two in the day. Then as he grew older, more aware and needed less sleep, he naturally adjusted his naps and sleep timings. Maybe it's instinctive that he changed what he wanted, i.e. sleep later at night so he has more time with mom and pop (then I was still holding a full-time job).

And since he had enough sleep in totality, I tried not to let this disturbing late night trend bother me too much, although I must admit something constantly nagged me at the back of my mind to change his sleep schedule. But there is always one excuse or another. But really, it all comes back to me.

I am not ready.

Of breaking this comfy routine of having more time with him at night and sleeping in till 830 every morning. I mean, why rock the boat when it is a win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win situation? (sleep in = many wins)

But the time has come that I must stop procrastinating and move my big fat lazy ass and tweak his sleeping hours to turn in earlier and rise to catch the fattest worm.



He will be attending school which starts at 8am next year. This school is a school school, unlike the one which he is attending currently, a childcare with flexible drop-off time. 8am start time means Matt has to wake up at 7am, latest 7:15am. Ideally, he should be in bed by 9 or 9:30pm latest.

It requires a whole change in lifestyle. Early family dinner, which probably means I eat with Matt at 6pm so we can start bedtime routine at 7:30pm to achieve lights out at 8:30pm and a snoring baby by 9-ish. It probably also means hubs eats dinner alone. He will probably have lesser time with his boy. It also means we get in to work 8-ish, ahead of official working hours (especially for me - I start at 10am). On a less significant note, it also means we fight with the crowd on CTE and pay the highest ERP to get into town.

Oh well, something good will come out of this I am sure. It always does. For now, I just hope Matthew will adjust well to these changes. Me thinks he will. It is probably me who needs to brace myself for what is to come!

He Likes School

Matt's school/childcare is closed today for some teachers' meeting thingie. So my little boy need not go to school.

I thought he'd be happy.

When we set off from home and stopped the car at my in-laws instead, he looked bewildered and started crying, saying, "I want to go to school, I don't want yeye's house ... !"

I never thought this day would ever come, but here it is, and as always, when I least expect it :)

Post Holiday

Matt is struggling with post-holiday syndrome. Especially when being dropped off at school.

I prep-ed him on the plane ride home, and over the weekend when we were back. He protested, cried some, but nothing prepared me for what was to come, especially when he seemed to take it okay on Monday.

Tuesday onwards, oh my! I do believe this is the hardest I have seen Matt cried in his 3 years. Maybe he is bigger now, and as such, he cries louder? I spent almost 30 minutes trying to pacify the little boy, and in the end, put on the fake-est smile as I waved goodbye to him telling him I will be back. Him? He wailed while being restrained by not one, but two teachers! Image of him lunging at me, crying with tears streaming down, yelling "mama, mama, mama, mama ..." stayed with me through a sucky day at work.

Progressively, the situation is getting better. But he's still at it even this morning.

I guess it's hard for him to reconcile why he can be with mom 24/7 for a week, then the next moment, he is shoved right back into the system where he has to be away from his favourite person for what must seemed eternity to him, as is for me. Poor boy.

Flying the Kite

I do not recall ever flying a kite. I mean, like fly it all by myself. When I was younger, my dad was the one who'd fly it, and little me would just be looking up in awe at the kite in the sky with my jaw opened wide enough for a fly to go in.

Now, Matt's school organized aFamily-cum-Children's Day celebration to Marina Barrage, and we were asked to "bring a kite (optional)". So I turned to ask hubs if he knew how to fly a kite, and if we should bring one, after all, Matt loved the sight of kites when we were there some time back.

Hubs, in all macho-ness, did NOT tell me he could not fly a kite himself. "My father and I flew one probably like 20 years ago I think, hopefully I can do it." Great! All settled then. Over the next few minutes, though, the storyline changed, and he finally admitted that it was also his dad who flew the kite. My dear husband.

So. We decided we would try and make our little boy happy on Children's Day. Matt went out on an excursion with daddy dear to buy his first kite.

In the morning's extreme heat, while playing some games with his classmates, our thoughts were constantly with the kite. Heck, we decided to be delinquents and skipped the next game to try flying the kite!

:) Yay!









Then we went back to playing more games with Matt's classmates, after having satisfied ourselves that we could fly a kite!

Happy Children's Day, little Matt. With lots of love, your crazy parents.

Progress in School

I meant to blog about Matt's 1 month progress since he started in school, but it got over-shadowed by his chicken pox.

After the one massive breakdown on Day 3 when I left him alone, he did very well - no crying, just some general protest at the health check station every morning where he was to be seated down and have torch light shone into his mouth to check for ulcers. And I thought to myself, wow, not too bad at all. I had expected worse. He didn't seem like he enjoyed school yet, but he didn't seem to mind either. He largely ate nothing during lunch, except a few spoonful of whatever catches his fancy.

Then the crying came. 4th week into school. Every morning, I had to wrestle with a whining boy from the car seat, up the lift to the school, and play tug-of-war along the corridor all the way to his class. He would be wailing at the top of his voice as I walk out. It was sucky to part this way, but I realise quick, firm goodbyes were the way to go than long, whiny ones. Between shards of my broken heart, was, thankfully, one rational piece left that willed my legs to walk on and my head not to turn and make eye contact. It didn't help that the lao shi informed me he cried on and off for one hour every day.

I was beginning to dread school as much as him, when, as abruptly as the crying started, it ended. Monday of the 5th week. He gave his full cooperation at the health check station. Then, he hugged me from the back, buried his little face on my butt cheek, peeping from time to time as he chug-chugged along as a train with mama leading in front all the way to the class. Then he happily hopped off when he reached the class.

I was informed that some days, he even ate a full bowl of lunch! However, he still walks about and not sit down during story-telling, but I am perfectly happy with his progress.

It is strange how things happen so mysteriously sometimes. Maybe he realises that protesting doesn't work, and he has come to accept his fate under The No Choice Act.

The chicken pox threw us off course, naturally. I hope it will not be a battle re-introducing him to school when he recovers.

My Heart Breaks

For the records, he did not cry until it was lunch time, which is about the time he goes home. When he saw me, he ran towards me and smiled in between quiet sobs. The moment I hugged him tight telling him what a good boy he was, he just broke down. Major. But he still managed to collect himself together to give lao shi a hug and bid her farewell.

Picture is of him when he realises I stopped the car not at home but at my in-laws. Poor poor boy!

I was supposed to leave him alone in the class only next week, but decided to do a trial run today. He surprised me, and the lao shi, too! I am so so so mightily proud of my little boy.

The Biggest Milestone Yet

He was eager. Even woke up earlier than usual on his own accord, perhaps in anticipation of the exciting day ahead.

As I was getting myself ready, I started to tear. I felt a tightening sensation in my throat, and fought to keep down the lump threatening to rise up.

You see, my little one started nursery school yesterday.



After his breakfast, I changed him into his uniform, trying to keep a cheerful disposition but my heart was like a melting jell-o!! He looked so preppy! :) And he looked so grown-up! I asked him, "Do you want to go to school?" to which he replied with a resounding "YESH!"

Definitely eager!

It started out well enough. Where he previously showed fear of other children, he was largely unafraid with so many surrounding him, much to our pleasant surprise. I tried my best to stay away from him as part of my strategy to assimilate him into the programs, but he would so very often run to me for a hug.

He lasted a record of 7 mins before this ...


Learning how to pour water into cups

The school is not quite a school per se, it is more of a childcare centre. It seems like a very well-run place. The centre is bright, has high ceilings, and the children all look happy to be there. The toilet has all these little cute basins and toilet bowls. Children are taught to wash their hands properly, wipe their hands dry with tissue and to throw that tissue into the dustbin. The food served during lunch was actually good, and all the children are able to eat themselves, which I hope will rub off on Matt positively. So far, it has not! Patience! Looking at all the other children, Matt is clearly lacking in many aspects of independence, which made me feel somewhat of a failure! :(

Matt's teacher is from China, which works well for us because we wanted Chinese exposure for our little boy. It does not work so well for Matt, because, well, he has zero comprehension of what is being said to him. She seems patient; I hope she is. I can tell she recognizes Matt requires some serious "work".

For now, his new class has a grand total of 2 children, Matt inclusive. I hope it stays this way for a while, because the low children-to-teacher ratio would mean that Matt can get more attention so as to ease him into the new environment. Up to this point in his life, he has been at home all the time. This will be a big, big change for him, and he is already showing signs of separation anxiety today when I got hubs to accompany him. 20 minutes into the day, I saw little Matt from my hiding place, looking frantically for me, with a pout on his face all ready to break into a heart-melting cry. Oh dear! Will he ever get used to not having me around?! Will he hate me for doing this to him? Oh, I don't even want to think of his heart-wrenching cries. The real test will come, for the both of us, when I forcefully leave him behind.

His partner in crime, Lindsay. The two of them have to hold hands everywhere they go. This is on the way to the playground, his favourite session of the day!


In a train formation back to the class after washing hands; In class with papa on Day 2 before realizing mama's not around!

I so do not look forward to next week when he realises that mama will not be around for him. I worry about a lot of things, but I gotta toughen meself up. While he needs some serious adjusting to, I think I will have a lot to learn, too. First and foremost is to learn to let go, let go, let go. It is sooner or later, I cannot accord him my brand of care forever. In the time being, I pray that it will not be too hard on my little boy.

The Dilemma

Matt turns 3 this year. Most kids his age are already attending pre-school. Matt? He stays home mostly, doing jack. He spends his days playing with his train set, fixing puzzles, watching Word World and Wheels on the Bus DVDs, listening to me reading story books to him, taking bus and mrt rides, running around in the garden, digging sand at the playground nearby, spending time at yeye's place learning nothing constructive. The only class he attends is his weekly swim class.

There was, and still is, a lot of inertia and reluctance on my part to start him at pre-school. I am not a cool mom when Matt falls ill, and I am certain he will fall sick often if he attends pre-school. Rite of passage, building up immunity - I know all about that, but I felt subjecting little Matt to all these were unnecessary. Not at that age, anyways. A November baby, he was barely 2 in Jan!

I wanted Matt to have a childhood where mama is around. I wanted to give Matt a childhood. A longer childhood. A fun childhood. One that he will remember playing hide-and-seek with mama, laughing hysterically when we roll around the bed, one where he kicks air instead of the ball and falls and still laughs gleefully. General silliness. A childhood that he explores things on his own - notices the lizard on the ceiling, that grass is soft, that some bugs fly, that people have emotion, all in his own time. Not through classroom learning.

And I guess I do not want him to grow up too fast.

He enjoys books, has good motor skills, speaks some, sings some, knows to share, is gentle, is cheeky, and most importantly, has fun doing all the things he does every day. I'd like to think he is developing well.

Sometimes though, I self-doubt. I know I am not doing enough for Matt. I don't have many flash cards. He doesn't learn phonics. He doesn't know colouring. He is not interested in hand painting. He doesn't really know how to recite A-Z. He doesn't know how to hold a real conversation yet. His peers are doing more or less of all that.

I look at him these days, and I know he is capable of so much more, and learning more than he is now. Why am I not taking advantage of this? Am I doing him a disservice by keeping him at home?

I finally got my act together and registered him for N2 which starts next year. I might just be the last mother standing who starts her kid in school at 4! Maybe I should be doing more in the time being. Like start him in a pre-school right away? I don't know. Inertia.

I still want him to just have fun. Being silly. At home. With me.