Lucas Vs. Matthew

The thing with having a no. 2 is that there's an idea what to expect and there's, well, a no. 1 to compare notes against.

Not that I am a big fan milestone, remembering exactly when Matthew did what when, but I have a general sense of when things happened. But precisely because Lucas is so ahead in most areas, I can't help but note how differently, and quickly, he has developed compared to his brother:

 

Lucas first showed first signs of crawling in his 5th month, followed shortly by his very cute bunny-hopping, and he nailed crawling proper within the same month.

He then pulled himself up and stood strong, also in his 5th month.
 

Even his first teeth were out towards the end of his 4th month!

By and large, Lucas was generally more alert and his awareness of his surroundings also came through earlier. Maybe it is a personality trait: Matt has a more tidak apa la di da di da attitude so anyone could carry him till he was about one year of age, but not my little Lucas.  He wailed when carried by strangers as early as 3 months.  Whenever we visited my in-laws in his early days, he would squint his eyes and study the different environment he was in.  Needless to say what happens during his excursions out of the house, whether to the park or the church.

Maybe it was because Matt was our first kid, and he had our undivided attention and care, and we watched him ferociously, watching his every move, and molly-coddled him every step of the way.  We minimized changes to his routine.  We hardly brought him out in his first year, keeping him at home partly because we were both working then, but also partly because we focused on building up his immunity by not exposing him to the world while he was little.  But for the times we did bring him out, I do not recall Matt because as curious as Lucas now. Character-wise, they are very different.  Matt was (still is) a cool kid: very good-natured, loves peace, non-confrontational.  Lucas, well, he is one fiesty kid.  He would fight with us and his kor kor for everything.  In more than one occasion, he literally snatched the iPad from Matt.  Poor Matt would just look at us helplessly.  Lucas cries for everything, whenever he doesn't get his way, or is plonked into the playpen to be by himself.  Maybe Matt had everything his way in his time, so we never quite saw this cry-baby trait in Matt when he was little like Lucas.

Matt looking perplexed at why his cousin was crying to hysterically

But one thing for sure, I have two happy boys.  They have smiles that make me feel nothing else matters.

Matthew, 2+ months

Lucas, 6+ months

Mobility!

Ok, another quick blog before I lose my chance to catch that 40 winks!

He is only 5 months old, but Lucas looks like he is about to crawl. He is growing up way too quickly!

I heart his ass swinging like that! :-)

A Quiet Afternoon

Hubs just got back from Dubai this morning. I can hear him snoring away as I type.

Matt woke up really early this morning: he is somewhat knackered after his swim and *trying* to take a nap with his dad.

Beside me, Lucas is napping on the tilam.

A rare moment of peace and quiet in the afternoon for me ever since Matt dropped his nap since late last year.

I should be taking a nap, too, but it just seems too good to pass out on an opportunity to do shite and surf mindlessly. I am so tired I can't even quite think beyond what to prepare for dinner tonight. There's so much I want to blog about, but my mind is drawing a blank.

Maybe I should go snooze, just for that little while.

Wardrobe

This must be the worst ever state my wardrobe has ever been in.

Before we conceived Lucas, I stopped myself from buying clothes. During pregnancy, thinking that this might possibly be the last time I get pregnant, I didn't buy much except for one or two more basic pieces which I needed when I realized the elastics of the old ones have gone down the drain.

Post-delivery, I survive on 2 dresses. For home (when I need to be a little more presentable like when we have guest), AND for going out. Most days, I am in my pjs from day to night. For I can't yet fit into my old tees and shorts without looking like a bak zhang, and I am sort of swimming in my maternity wear.

The weight from this second pregnancy is proving to be rather stubborn despite me breast-feeding. I remember I have lost 90% of my weight gain with Matt by the 3rd month, but I step out these days and people congratulate me and ask me how many months along am I. For that, I try to always have my bulging tummy's raison d'etre with me - little darling Lucas.

Sigh.

Back to clothing. Last week, feeling miserable from fatigue and hormonal imbalance, I stood in front of my wardrobe and I broke down in tears. So I decided I had to go shopping even though on hindsight, it wasn't the lack of clothes that made me cry. But what the heck, any reason to get out and break away from the monotony of life caring for a newborn and a toddler. Fortunately (I say fortunately because if I failed, I believe I would have been even more miserable), I managed to find 2 dresses from Mothers En Vogue. They have great dresses which I love.

So now I have 4 dresses. 2 old ones, and 2 new ones. Not too bad at all.

Matthew & his Lego

This was the set that started it all. We got it for him when he was about 3.5 years old.

Sure, he was exposed to the Mega Blocks and Lego Duplo when he was younger, but this one was different. This was his first set that came with instructions on how to build the structures. And he was hooked.

He would sit there, patiently turn the instruction booklet page by page and build these structures. He would take them apart and build them over and again. All by himself, with an occasional look at me for approval that he was doing it right. I later learnt that his ability is a feat because he was only 3.5 and sets like these were meant for children 7-12.

I didn't think much about what he was doing, and since he liked it, we fed him set after set. Much better than action figurines.

Then one day, we lost a couple of these little bricks.

Now, if you have dealt this these lego sets, you would think people working in Lego are mad. Their attention to detail is amazingly terrifying if you asked me. For eg., they have these little lights that are 0.5cm, and you painstakingly build them but in the end, it might not even be visible because it is inside the structure.

When my little boy came to me upset that he couldn't find a 1cm blue rectangle or a 0.5cm round red brick, it first annoyed me because he bugged me endlessly to help him find it. Then, it got me really worried. Really really worried.

Because not only was he upset that the bricks were missing, but he had memorized where these bricks were meant to be! He did not need to consult the instruction booklet to know that the piece was indeed to be there. I will come back to this issue in another blog, but for now, this is Matt's love in the toy department.

Legos. Lego City and Lego Creator in particular.

He has 9-1o sets thanks to his birthday and Christmas gifts, with the fire engine being his ultimate favourite. We contributed 3 sets in our moments of parental weakness of wanting to witness the ecstatic look on his face receiving them. Very skewed vehicles collection at the moment, because the sets on city buidlings are mightily pricey. But I am sure he will get there.

Some of his lego vehicles

Lucas at 4 months old

Maybe start with the most recent.

Lucas, despite our assistance in helping him flip over by lifting his Shakira hips, has not shown much interest unless WE placed him directly onto his tummy. Yesterday, he decided he would entertain and delight us. Here's him doing his first flip all on his own.



He is one fiesty baby. He YELLS whether in good or bad mood. Which is really irritating.

He adores his big brother. If he is in deep slumber, he would wake up if his brother so speaks. A friend mentioned that it was true with her daughter as well. Apparently it is because he heard Matthew's voice most clearly in my pregnancy cos Matthew's height is round about my belly. Whatever the explanation, he tracks his brother's every move if the latter is in his line of vision, and searches for him when he hears his voice. And smiles.

Oh, and he has a smile that lets him get away with murder.

He was one guzzler for 2.5 months, then he decided he would go ona nursing strike. Still at it, since around Christmas. He can go up to 7 hours without any milk intake. He would no longer engage in any direct feeding, and I really miss that. So I pump through the day, not fun at all! Despite the strike, he weighs a hefty 8.2kg at the last check-up few days ago where he received his first dose of vaccination. A small yelp, somewhat a delayed reaction AFTER the needle came out, but a brave boy nonetheless, just like little Matt.

Lucas is a very curious baby. He looks around and observes his surroundings a lot earlier than Matthew did, for all that I can recall. He observes people, photos, paintings, sofa, my bedroom, Matt kor-kor at play, the skies, the trees, the car. He has never fallen asleep at the church despite it being his nap time because he was often surveying other children or perking up whenever we sing.

Lucas at 3 months 1 week and 3.5 months

I am enjoying my time with Lucas a lot, and yes, I will say it again, they just grow up too fast!

Too Much on Plate

Lots have been happening: I feel like a headless chicken running in all directions. Blogging has taken a back seat. Time to resume.

I Believe in Santa!

Preparing supper

Milk for Santa, carrot for Rudolph

Santa is thirsty

The milk and carrot are gone, mama! Look, son, they left something behind!!

I just love the smile on his face!

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!

The Boys. My Family.

The Celebration

In the midst of gloom, I tried to do things to cheer myself up.

We had a small tea time gathering for Lucas' full month, and had close friends come visit. We had, till then, largely declined visitors in the first month due to my medical condition.

It didn't happen without added stress of planning. Looking back, though, I am glad to have organized it. It was good to break away from the monotony of breast-feeding and hang out with some friends for a bit. A simple get-together, and a reminder that there exist a wonderful reason for celebration.

Darling Lucas, one month old

The Month After

The month post-delivery has been tough and a real challenge. We thought lightning wouldn't strike twice but it did. I was plagued with the same pee problem, marginally more manageable this time, but still problematic nonetheless. I had urine detention. Unable to pee, I had the catheter on twice, which completely killed me emotionally and physically. It hurt when I moved, it was messy when I breast-fed, it stopped me from moving freely when I carried Lucas, it was dreadful when I sat or laid down. I hated it.

The pain affected breast milk supply since it was hard to have a letdown. I told myself, chill - you've been through this before. But it was a mental struggle every time. I wanted to succeed with total breast-feeding.

Between dealing with my post-delivery complication, maintaining a punishing schedule to up my milk supply, being sleep deprived, and trying to be the super mom for Matthew as well, I fell into some sort of emotional yo-yo.

Then Lucas developed an abscess under his armpit, which had to be removed by a pediatric surgeon, so it was in and out of hospital 3 times for him. The procedure was painful for him as he was too young to have any form of anesthetic applied to him when the abscess was cut in order that the pus could be drained out.

I was in a mess. I was a mess.

Glad to have moved on and put the whole drama behind.

Presenting Baby Lucas

He took his time to come into our embrace, but no words can describe the joy of cradling another newborn in my arms once more. O, praise ye Lord, for this amazing gift and blessing.

Our baby Lucas, born 30 September 2011, weighing 3.7kg and standing tall at 53cm.

A Small Lesson on Giving

Matthew with his chosen gift for didi

Increasingly, Matt is aware of birthday parties and giving or receiving presents.

Previously, everything would be done without his knowledge. Presents are purchased and wrapped without his knowledge. If he knew the content of what lies underneath the wrapper, I doubt he would part with them so easily.

Because of his increasing awareness, I decided to involve him in choosing the gift, wrapping it (providing me some cutting and taping services), and giving it to his friend. May not be the noblest gift of time or effort, but I feel it builds some character to learn to part with something he really likes and want to keep for himself, and to do that joyfully.

Gift for Samuel kor-kor

Bluff Me

I have heard from many.

"Second, third kid usually early."

"Wah, you are carrying so low. Guarantee early!"

Warrau. Bluff my feeling.

Patiently waiting.

Out-Sourcing

With the baby due anytime, and unsure if I can manage especially when hubs travel, I have taken the first step in out-sourcing things I do every day for Matt. The first, after thinking long and hard.



The school bus.

I fetch him from school daily, so I decided to let him take the bus home instead. My heart aches just thinking about my little boy who is not even 4 taking a school bus all by himself. My only consolation - he loves buses. He was really excited when I talked to him about it the yesterday, giving him assurance that I will be at home to greet him.

Today, he got off with a big, big grin as he ran towards me and gave me a hug.

But we will still fetch him to school as I cannot bring myself to wake him up any earlier to catch the school bus.

Initiation to Art

I have never been good at drawing or anything in the creative department, and we have been slackers in this respect (and many more).

Over the weekend, hubs had a mission to impart his drawing and colouring skills to his son. He started, very cleverly I thought, with Matt's favourite toys. Using his vehicle toys as references, hubs drew the outline, and had Matt colour the pictures. And he also threw in a session of writing alphabets by writing his name on the artwork.

After just 2 days (and comparing the art work he brings home from school), Matt colouring strokes were a lot more confident and consistent, and he eagerly bugs us for "art class".

Well done, papa!

Moody

Sometimes my blog entries are not reflective of how I am feeling. Maybe cos I blog about more pleasant things to cheer myself up, or sometimes it concerns family members who might access this blog.

But I need to let it out.

I have been feeling very down lately. I feel like I am in the dumps. Been crying a lot, too.

I guess it is convenient to blame the hormones, but I think a large part of it is also because there are real problems with many things in the household.

For one, problem with in-laws, but lets not go there. Suffice to say that at a time when I most needed their help, they have withdrawn it from me. Whether intentionally or otherwise, I have cut them out from my life for the time being, out of disappointment, out of anger, but definitely as a defensive mode to prevent myself from having to deal with them. Less contact, less headache, less nonsense. It does mean things are tougher for me, but at least I have control over things, and that alone keeps me a little more sane. I think they have no clue that I am feeling this way, because I am never rude to them and am largely non-confrontational.

Two, my mother's health. One bad news after another. But with my mom, it is slightly different. She is as strong as she can be, without making us kids worry too much about her. She puts others ahead of herself, even in moments when she should be dependent on others. Although her health is not tip-top at the moment, she remains as positive as she can be, and I call her a lot to just chat, bitch about things (sometimes, dad pitches in, too), sometimes confide, sometimes cry. She is always objective and gives me sound advice. I miss her badly, and wish I can be with her, but we make the best out of the situation. We just call and feel close to each other.

Three, hubs. I feel it has been really hard trying to reach out to him. To let him know how I feel. To let him know I don't feel very loved. Of course, whatever moments we have, we made it a point to spend it with Matt, leaving us with even lesser time. He needs his personal time, I try to understand he holds a stressful job, and needs his break. But it doesn't mean I am happy. But it cannot always be about me. We talk, and he said he has tried his best, and is trying his best, so I will leave it at that. Sometimes it is all about expectations. When you don't have one, there is nothing to fall short of, and you get less angsty.

I joked that in ancient China, pregnant women literally get worshipped when they are pregnant. Eat well, no work, no stress, everything - as they wished it to be. What more if they are carrying a boy. In ancient times, where got scan? Mine confirmed boy some more, but I have no privileges. I want to be a princess!

Jokes aside, I think at some levels, I really want to be treated like a princess. Even if just for a day. But I guess circumstances just do not permit it.

As I approach 38 weeks of pregnancy, I can't help but feel apprehensive about everything. Wondering if I can cope, wondering if things with hubs will get better, even wondering if this is really what I want. Ever the optimist, hubs is positive everything will fall into place. Ever the worrier, I am not so sure.

And my blardy pelvic pain is not making things better. I think I would say it is up there somewhere on par with labour pain. Urgh.

I guess this is the last lap. I will waddle to the finishing line.

There's a Hospital Just Downstairs!

We were upstairs in his room, and I told Matt that when didi is ready, I will have to go to the hospital to give birth to didi, and I will not be around for a few days.


Matt has an idea of his own, though.

Here is where he wants me to give birth to didi - in his Tommy Takara hospital. He said there is a doctor there, too, who will scan didi. And it's just downstairs.