Boys in the Eyes of the Expert

I was clearing up my desk the other day, and found an abandoned book that I read halfway some time ago - Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph. Not that the book wasn't good, on the contrary, it was quite a good, interesting read. I guess I must've gotten too busy.

This guy is an award-winning psychologist, and this book is an international best-seller. In it, he shares that there are 3 stages of boyhood. The first stage is from birth to six, when the boy belongs primarily to his mother, eventhough his father plays a very large role. The aim at this stage is to give strong love and security.

The second stage includes the years from six to fourteen - when the boy, out of his own internal drives, starts wanting to learn to be a man, and looks more to the father for interest and activity although the mother remains very involved. The purpose of this stage is where he learns to become a balanced person through building competence and skill while developing kindness and playfulness.

Finally, the years of fourteen to adult is when the boy needs input from male mentors to complete the journey into being fully grown-up. Mom and Dad step back a little, but must organize good mentors in their son's life or he will have to rely on an ill-equipped peer group for his sense of self. The aim is to learn skills, responsibility and self respect by joining more and more with the adult community.

He explains the role of testosterone, what intrigues a boy, how he behaves because of all the physical changes in him, how he will have issues learning how to lose, puberty, sexual awareness, mother and sons, daddy and sons, impact of early schooling on a boy, how the society is lacking in mentors today, and a whole lot of other stuff.

He raises many good points about raising boys which I find very relevant, but at this point, I am still struggling with making my son watch less tv while he eats. You know, still sweating the small stuff. This guy's tackling the big stuff man :)

I like the book eventhough I have never been a great fan of books this nature because there tends to be a lot of generalization. I think I am likely to make reference to in the course of raising Matthew. He writes with a good humour, which makes it an easy read unlike some very mechanical parenting books.

If you have a son like me, you might be interested to know this is how your son's brain functions. The mini portions of 'hopes for a better world' and 'deep questions of life' tickled me :)

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