I Have Become My Mom

I remember trips home to my parents' when I was a little girl (since I was 13!) during my schooling years in Singapore. I would step off the train - my ma would hug me and cry. For one, she was very happy to see me. Two, she always felt I was malnourished, not getting enough food staying in the hostel, and would always beat herself up for sending me away so young!

So she was always on a mission during these school vacations - to fatten me up in that one month, twice a year. It was a joy to her to put food into my mouth. I think I ate 5 meals a day. It was as if I ate 6 months worth of food in 1 month. As I grew older, we would inevitably fight. Cos the amounts were impossible, and I didn't want to grow fat! And it would always end with her saying, "you don't understand, one day when you are a mother, then you will." In my angsty teenage ways, I would just stomp off after eating some.

Then I grew even older.

I began to understand that it was her way of easing her pain of not being there for me when I am so far away. It was her way of telling me she cares. It was her way of showing love. Till this day, she still feeds me more food than I can possibly eat each time I head back to my home town.

Still, I rebelled against her whenever I got sick of eating, although I try not to.

Now that I am a mother, I completely understand.

It counts as one great joy to be see Matt enjoy the food I cook for him. I am happy when I put food into his mouth. I am pleased and take great pride that the food I cook contain little or no msg. It makes me happy when I see him eat and grow physically strong. It saddens me when he doesn't have appetite when he is ill. I get stressed when he doesn't want to eat. Then I get happy all over again once his appetite returns.

It's crazy indeed. I guess I now feel what my mother feels each time she feeds me, as I do with my little boy.