Monday, January 10, 2011

Numb

Second day of school last Friday, I just spent all my time with him in the class and not stay by the sideline. I did not attempt to distance myself. Cos seriously, it does not work.

Me: Matthew, mama has to go .. ?
M: Work work ... (gives a fierce hug, clings on like a koala) .. I don't want mama go work work!

He knows it. But doesn't mean he will accept it.

I know it has to be by force. Like this morning. The very pitiful scrunched up face. The tears. The plea. The wail. So real. So heartbreaking. I told the teacher, please take him forcefully away from me. I threw him a quick kiss. And just walked out.

I hate it. He hates it.

Why are we even doing this?

We drive silently out from the school. Hubs says he'll be okay. I know he will. But doesn't mean it doesn't hurt each time we go through it.

The gray weather certainly did not help my mood. I miss my little boy.

1 comment:

  1. Yah, it is hard to see our beloved kids cry for us. How to walk away from a teary-eyed child???
    I feel so heavy hearted too every time Ally cries for me when I drop her at d bbsitter or Ryan says "I want you!" before the teacher tears him away from me!

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