Organic Then and Now

I read with interest on a report in Sunday Times today about how organic food has no nutritional edge. My thought immediately went to the sakura chicken (hormone-free) and vegetables from the organic store I buy for Matt at the wet market every Saturday.

Many mothers I know do it - 100g of that $9/100g Angus organic tenderloin for the tod and 500g of whatever beef that's on offer for the family. 2 pieces of sakura chicken breast meat versus 1 whole "normal" chicken. 4 organic apples for $5.50 versus 'lelong' 3 for $1 apples. Former for the tod, latter for rest of family.

Organic products are expensive. I dish out more moolah for them for Matt, not for "nutritional edge," but out of fear of how the excessive pesticides used to make vege look perfect and hormones used to fatten the chicken might harm him.

Sometimes I think, well, my mom did not cook anything specifically organic for me or my brother, and we seem fine, so is it necessary? I rationalized that use of pesticides were less prevalent in my toddler days. Perhaps it was even cheaper for the farmers to not use pesticides! Production efficiency through hormone injection was probably not as widespread.

I don't know. I guess some things you'll never know. Better be safe than sorry.

I did some reading up on organic food when Matt was about to start solids a year back. Here's a list of products published by the Environmental Working Group in the US that ranks pesticide contamination levels based on tests done by the USDA (U.S Department of Agriculture). I spend only on what are necessary, conveniently accessible, and not waaaay too expensive! The Dirty Dozen is a good rough guide to the top 12 foodstuff that are better organic and 12 that we do not really need to buy organic -

Better organic - eggs, apples, bell peppers, celery, cherries, grapes, nectarines, peaches, pear, potatoes, spinach, strawberries

No need organic - asparagus, avocados, banana, brocolli, cauliflower, corn, kiwi, mangoes, onions, papaya, sweet peas

When I Was Small and Mama was My World

I am drained. Largely from attending to my darling Matthew who cannot have me out of his sight for more than a minute.

When we are out, he would hold only mama's hand while walking. When he is tired, he would only have me carry him. At home, even if I sat right in front of him, I must be with him, paying attention to what he was doing - no such thing as I read my book and he reads his. No one else reads like mama. No staying in the living room with helper aunty to play toys while mama eats her dinner with papa at the dining table. If I am around, no one else can change his yuck-yuck diaper except for mama. He would sit on no other lap other than mama's fleshy ones. He would have no one else put him to bed. Only mama can put him in and take him out from the car seat. No other sound but mama's deep voice can comfort him when he is upset.

It's so nice to know that he wants me me and me.

Sometimes though, I am more tired than happy. Whenever that happens, I exude negative energy to all in the household. I'd open my wardrobe and see how little nice clothes I have, and be bitter about how I have no more time to go shopping. Why can't hubs take over for a day and I can go buy some nice stuff for myself? I'd walk to the bookshelf and see all the books I want to read. Or glance at the Grey's Anatomy DVDs that I have been meaning to watch. And all the unorganized photos and my long-time unpublished website. I have no time for myself anymore. Why doesn't Matt understand that I am here for him, always, but that sometimes, mama just needs a short break? Why must he climb onto the chair and stand behind me when I just need 5 minutes to enjoy my cup of coffee? Why doesn't he let me poo in peace? I'd take it out on hubs for anything remotely small and insignificant. I'd be easily agitated. I'd go about the day feeling a tonne.

Until night falls. We'd adjourn to his bedroom for our quiet time before he sleeps. As he cuddled up to me, I'd feel so overwhelmed I'd sometimes cry. I'd feel so small and embarassed to have even thought those thoughts. I realise that I haven't been counting my blessings. I have taken things for granted.

I would not have it any other way. I am very very tired, but I am happy that I mean the world to my little boy. I should be.

Of Music and Water Play

Despite staying home full-time for 3 months from Nov to Feb, I hardly brought Matt out for "social interaction" until he was about 17 months old. I suppose a large part is due to my fear in driving. At hubs encouragement and out of desire to do interesting stuff with Matt, I pushed myself hard, and hubs now labels me a speed monster.

I registered Matt at Kindermusik when he was about 17 months old. He attended one term of Kindermusik Village and one term of Our Time. Matt seemed to like the class, although most of the time, he wandered off on his own - to look at drums when the class was exploring the shakers, or tug at the bag of balls when everyone else is having quiet time with soft toys. Over time, however, there were moments when he'd concentrate on what the teacher was doing. He also loved collecting the stamps at the end of the lessons.

He loves the CDs that come as part of the home material. Whenever his favourite slow track comes on, he'd toddle over and sit in my lap and we'd sway to the tune. Or when a fast familiar track is playing, he'd start dancing.

At the end of Our Time term, I decided to let Matt experience something else, and signed him up for swimming lessons at Marsden. Can't decide if he likes it. He'd cling tight to me and say "du wan du wan! go up! go home!" but he'd chuckle happily when he's being put on the slide to swoosh down towards me in the pool. When he was "flung" underwater from the instructor to me, he emerged stunned, wondering what just happened, then hung on to me chanting "du wan du wan" but he'd laugh when the instructor took him away again. I'd say we had fun, and I'll give it a few more sessions to assess if he truly enjoys it.

Moment He Longed For

Yesterday was a great day for hubs. He won a case that he worked pro-bono, defending a man who has been accused by his wife of threatening her with a chopper. The immense gratitude from a man who could not afford legal fees, and from his son who could only thank hubs over and over. These are the moments every lawyer lives for, the feeling of having helped someone, and one that is not shrouded by the need to justify hours put in and the fees to be charged accordingly. I am very happy for and proud of hubs.

I am saddened, though, that things should come to this between man and wife for that couple.

Weekend in Klang

We have been wanting to go visit my family in Klang for a long time now. Secretly, I was worried Matt would be difficult over the long journey, sitting for about 5 hours in the car seat. Plus we decided not to bring our helper along.

But all that worrying was unnecessary. Matt was a darling both ways of the long drive! In the morning before we left, I showed him photos of ah ma, ah gong, ah gu, ah kim, kor kor and che che. I told him we are going to make a journey to visit them. Throughout the journey, I spoke to him about kor kor and che che. I fed him favourite fruits and biscuits along the journey, and he slept some parts of the journey during which we tried to cover grounds speeding along the highway. I did wish he slept as long as his usual afternoon naps, but maybe he was an eager beaver excited on the journey and couldn't sleep long!

Out of the 6 meals, he was difficult to feed for only 2. Praise God! And hubs did a brilliant job helping me out with making milk in the middle of the night, showering him and watching over him while I did the rest of the stuff that needs to be done.

Matt had so much fun playing with my brother's 2 kids, blowing bubbles, pushing toy cars all around, running amok playing catching - the 2 older kids were; Matt was just running around :) It was lovely to see them play together.

Celebrating ah gong's birthday!

I feel that Matt has somewhat changed during this trip. Not necessarily for the better though. He is more assertive, displaying outright displeasure over things or people he doesn't like. Like he would say "I du want the ah kim" because my sister-in-law played the disciplinarian role, and "beat ah ma" cause my mom playfully spanked his bottoms. He'd take my bag from them immediately when he sees either one of them carrying it (for me).

It was great to be home with my family. Miss them loads, especially my dear parents. Hopefully, we can make more of such journey home.

Reel Friends

It started with Baby Signing Time Vol II, and later a friend lent us Vol I. He was riveted through and through, although he never really signed anything other than milk. Sometimes though, I'd notice his fingers move unconciously while he watched. The dvds offered tremendous help in distracting him while we administered his medication and the nebuliser when he had mild pneumonia at around 14 months old. Verdict - quite entertaining. Hubs and I were signing to each other for a while just for the fun of it.


At a friend's recommendation, I bought Iggle Piggle, In the Night Garden. Matt seemed to like it for the plot, like he'd know something is happening when Iggle Piggle loses his blankie, focuses very hard on the screen, and that same focus melts into a big grin just as Makka Pakka comes out - Makka Pakka finds the blankie! He smiles when he sees Iggle Piggle and Makka Pakka dance. While I didn't quite like it initally, the little blue fella slowly worked his way into my heart. He is quite endearing, really.



Matt was recently acquainted with Barney, Thomas the Train and Bob the Builder. Every day now, he'd pull me to the living room, plonk himself on the sofa, and tells me to "on! on!"

"Bar-yee"
"Toh-mas"
"Bob the bob"

It's getting a little out of hand these days. He'd cry and wail when we refuse to turn it on, or if we turn it off after one episode. Maybe I shouldn't have introduced him to these characters since I am not keen for him to watch too much tv. I limit it to 15 minutes, but it seems to be getting a little too short for his liking. Maybe I will buy some books with the same characters as a post-tv "follow-up tool" to ease him away from the tv.

Balls Galore!

Finally brought Matt to Go Go Bambini, one of the many, padded playgrounds, I call them. Despite the many slides and steps to climb, my boy is pretty one-dimensional when it comes to these places - the ball pit.





No different than when he was one year old at Fidgets ...

Upside Down

Matt does something queer with his books and puzzles - he sometimes turns them upside down when looking at the pictures, or turning the board upside down before fixing the puzzles. Especially for the ones he is very familiar with. Almost as if challenging his own mind.

Self-Feed

I wonder when Matt will be able to feed himself and enjoy food like his parents.

I think authors of babies / toddlers self-feeding are obviously not too acquainted with Asian food. How can I expect Matt to feed himself soup at 12 months old? Or grainy rice not held together by thick cream of mushroom but runny pork rib potato carrot soup? Maybe I am just not a cool mom, but what's so cool about having a kid with food mess all over him?

In any case, I haven't really started him on self-feeding. Maybe I should ..

But for a start, this is Matthew attempting to self-feed with blueberries at 20 months. Still need help to poke 'em, but a good start.

A Cute Parrot in My Home

For the last few weeks, Matt has been parroting everything we say when we talk to him.

At dinner table, he wanted the carrots in the soup.
"Matthew, what is this?" (I point to the carrot)
"This."
"Yes, this? What is it called?"
"Called."
Seemingly losing patience at not getting his carrot, he exclaims
"I want the cawwets!"

"You are a naughty boy! Boo!"
"Boo boo boo"

He smiles cheekily and loves it when I animate.
"Oh no!" (bring both my hands to my mouth and gasp)
"We are late!"
He chuckles endlessly "Oh no!"

"Jonah did not listen to God, and went on a boat in the opposite direction"
Silence, staring hard at the book, waiting for me to turn the page.
"Thunder! Lightning! The boat rocked and rocked and rocked" (I move the book up and down)
My boy goes
"Oh no! Rok rok! Yightning!"

Object Placement

Matt seems to have inherited some neatness streak from me. He must put things that are out of place back where they belong. Well. Everything except his trucks and little colourful balls. To him, those are unorgnized mess, no point tidying up.

Like when he sees a few of the alphabets from the alphabet board at the dining table, he will grab them one by one and put them into the box where the board and rest of alphabets are.

He loves arranging things in a row - does this with many many things.



Arranging bottles at the bicycle shop

Setting Family Tradition

I have been thinking for some time now to set some tradition for the family. Something fun that we'd do together every year as a family.

Maybe start with something simple like taking a family portrait every year during Christmas, which means that every Christmas time, it's family time.

We'll go shopping for a Christmas tree together and decorate it together, every year.

Maybe bake a cake together for each other's birthday. I don't bake at all, but I am game to try.

Everyone writes a well-wish and puts them into the red packet to be given to each other during Chinese New Year.

I think small, little things like these go a long way to give my kids a sense of togetherness as a family, especially when they are young. They are special activities, and unique to our family.

Weighty Issues

I don't know if there's something wrong with me, but I am obsessed with Matt's weight. I used to delight at the sight of the growing digits on the weighing scale at the pedi's clinic and the pedi recording on his health book .. 90th percentile. It felt like an endorsement that I must be doing something right.

As they say, things change. Matt seemed to struggle putting on weight since he turned one. Didn't help that he lost a precious half kg when he had a 3-week long diarrhea.

This morning, I brought him in to the pedi although deep inside, I knew the answers and that I was just wasting money. But I had to hear it from the horse's mouth. I was shocked when one morning, I weighed him and he dropped 0.4kg! Granted he has been poo-ing A LOT and way too frequently for my liking (mild diarrhea), but he has been eating well lately, too.

I know all about judging a child through good track record of development milestones and all that. I am grateful that Matt is an active and happy kid, but I just cannot shake off the 'what ifs.'

My mood co-relates directly to his food intake for the day. I know it is not healthy, but I simply find it SO hard letting go on this one.

The expert has given her verdict - Matt is very very active (as evidenced from her encounters with Matt at the clinic; he even broke the doctor's equipment when she tried to examine him), and she suspects that his metabolic rate is very high. As such, it is difficult for Matt to put on weight. But he is fine. I just have to load up the calories through the types of food he consumes.

So I am going to persevere, but God please help me to stay calm and collected, and learn to trust all the other signs that point to the fact that my little darling is doing great.

Sleepless Nights

This has happened a few times before recently, but yesterday must've been one of the longest I endured Matt's playfulness in the wee hours of the morning. He kept me up for 2 hours, from 4:15am - 6:20am. He woke up, cried for me, and I went to his room to pick him up. Decided to milk him to sleep, which usually works, but not this time. Helper couldn't do anything much since he was suitably awake to insist he wants me to stay with him.

He laid down on the sofa, and I sat on the floor, guarding him so he doesn't fall off. That's how I put him to bed every night. The room would be in complete darkness.

For two whole hours, he tossed left and right, right and left, sat up, stood up, sat down. I ignored him, pretending to sleep. Actually, at some points, I really fell asleep. I'd be jolted up from his endless movements and incesssant self-talk, counting trucks and tractors. I could slowly feel my patience running low as minutes turned into hours. I finally lost it and shouted so loud at him he cried uncontrollably. I felt so bad but I was really mad. He was clearly tired and sleepy, but simply refused to sleep. He finally did, at 6:20am!

In the morning, I tasked hubs to "take care of things" as I needed to snooze a little while more as I am working full day today. Woke up to Matt wailing so loudly and hubs trying to calm him down in vain. I stormed to his room and took it out on everyone for being useless, and shouted at Matt for being so impossible!!! Matt quietened down and hugged me like a koala bear when I picked him up. I felt bad all over again.

And angry with myself for losing my cool at hubs who was, as usual, trying his best, and the helper who was ..... just standing there. Urghh!

I Wonder ..

.. if babies and toddlers have pins and needles?

Driving With A Purpose

Whenever I am too tired, hubs would offer to help me put Matt to bed, his way.

Little Arms and Little Fingers

Have you noticed how little kids run? Both their arms are perpetually up in the air.

And their little fat fingers at work? Super cute!

Lesson on Sharing

Last Saturday, we had friends come over for steamboat at our place. While the adults were stuffing their faces at the dining table, we suddenly heard little Nate, the youngest of the lot, cry. I discovered to my dismay that Matt had pinched his face in a bid to get him off his bicycle. That night, before he went to bed, I decided to 'talk to him' about the episode.

These days, whenever Matt does something I disapprove of, I will ask him to look me in my eyes and tell him that I was unhappy about what he did.

So that night, before bedtime, I said in a stern voice,

"Look at mama!"

He turned around and faced me, then I asked, "Did you pinch baby Nate?"

He looked down, then looked up at me, almost as if he was ashamed, pinched his own cheeks, and said "Pinch!"

"Yes, you pinched Nate. That is very wrong. You do NOT pinch people. It is painful, and mama is angry! And you should share your toys! Share your bicycle."

To which he replied, "Share"

"Yes! Share. Understand? Ok?"

"Ok!"

I wondered if he really understood me and the lesson I was trying to teach him. I wondered.

The next day, we brought him to Ikea, and he was having fun at the kids area when he spotted the soft football similar to the one he has at home. He took it, and another older boy, probably about 4 or 5, saw, came over and tried to snatch it from Matt. I decided to let the scene play, wanting to learn more about my boy's character.

Did my little boy put up a good fight, and strong boy that he is, the kid couldn't wrestle it away. He then started bawling, at which point I snapped out of my amazement at my boy and started to tell him to "give it to the kor-kor ok?" with hub's help. The boy's mom appeared (uh-oh!) and asked what happened, but the boy cried even louder. She looked at me, I shrugged my shoulder, "Usual kids fight la." I quickly set off to find another ball since Matt showed no sign of giving in, but when I was back, I was surprised to see the kid holding the ball instead of Matt! Hubs told me that while I went away, he told him to "share the ball" and he slowly inched over and gave it to the boy.

I was smiling in my heart, and am so so proud of my little Matthew! So proud.