Memory of an Elephant

Matt has been going at this for a while - memorizing books.

I recently paid more than $10 in fines for library books because he was so in love with the ones I borrowed (and re-borrowed). He would look for them every night, and make me read them over and over. Each time I finish a book, he would walk to the shelf and say "how about .... " and picks another one. His bedtime has been getting later and later because of this. Each time I say "it's bedtime!", he'll howl with all his might, and I will give in.

And when he finally agrees to go to bed, he will go through the books in his head, page by page, and that takes another at least 30 minutes before he finally falls asleep. I hope it is 30 minutes, cos most of the time, I fall asleep minutes after I lie down on the bed in his room.

When we are in the car, he is reciting these books, too.

Those words in the middle of the sentences that are a blur to him such as with, a, the, under, got, or those that he didn't quite catch, he will just go "nyah nyah nyah."

Here's a video of him "reading" Because A Little Bug Went Ka-Choo!

The seed dropped, the worm got hit. The worm kicked the tree. The coconut dropped. The turtle nyah nyah nyah .. got bopped! *smiles* Nyah nyah nyah nyah bopped, nyah nyah nyah lake. The chicken got wet, the chicken got mad. The chicken kicked a bucket. The bucket caaame down .. (and hit) Farmer Brown, Farmer Brown ...

1 Year Older, 10 Years Fitter

I woke up half an hour earlier than usual today. And I went jogging. It felt good when I was running - my feet felt like they had brand new springs in them. The morning sun was in my face, and I felt really really good. The feeling transported me back to my university days when all I did, apart from some studying, was play volleyball, swam, ran and ran and ran. Full of energy.

It is now 2.5 hours into the morning. The feel-good factor has COMPLETELY subsided. I am feeling like shit. I am tired and sleepy. Not feeling tip-top. I feel faint.

I take comfort that at least I felt good momentarily this morning.

I used to feel lethargic if I didn't exercise in 2 days. These days, I feel beat if I moved my heartbeat up by 2 beats per 30 seconds. Or lost 30 minutes of precious sleep. This lack of fitness, plus an expanding horizontal dimension all-over, have been bugging me for a while.

I blamed it all, very conveniently, on being a stay-at-home-mom holding a part-time job. All-in-a-day's work leave me with very little energy left at the end of the day to get moving. This morning, when I woke up, I wanted to change that.

You see, I turned one year older yesterday. I thought it was a good time to kick-start a routine that will get me healthier. It cannot happen at the end of the day, this I know, so I started in the morning. Did not expect to feel like I do at this moment, considering how fit I used to be. I am humbled. I wanna keep up this routine, I hope I can.

That aside, I had a nice day yesterday. Did not do anything special, went about the day as usual, even came in to work in the afternoon, but had a really nice evening with my 2 boys.

I Want to be Happy

Sometimes I think God must really be very displeased with me. There is so much around me that I should rejoice and be happy about, but why is it that I always feel so overwhelmed and cry? Why is it that I always choose to focus on the negative? In moments like this, it's hard to lift myself out from the dumps and just be happy.

It will pass ... soon enough ...

Boys in the Eyes of the Expert

I was clearing up my desk the other day, and found an abandoned book that I read halfway some time ago - Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph. Not that the book wasn't good, on the contrary, it was quite a good, interesting read. I guess I must've gotten too busy.

This guy is an award-winning psychologist, and this book is an international best-seller. In it, he shares that there are 3 stages of boyhood. The first stage is from birth to six, when the boy belongs primarily to his mother, eventhough his father plays a very large role. The aim at this stage is to give strong love and security.

The second stage includes the years from six to fourteen - when the boy, out of his own internal drives, starts wanting to learn to be a man, and looks more to the father for interest and activity although the mother remains very involved. The purpose of this stage is where he learns to become a balanced person through building competence and skill while developing kindness and playfulness.

Finally, the years of fourteen to adult is when the boy needs input from male mentors to complete the journey into being fully grown-up. Mom and Dad step back a little, but must organize good mentors in their son's life or he will have to rely on an ill-equipped peer group for his sense of self. The aim is to learn skills, responsibility and self respect by joining more and more with the adult community.

He explains the role of testosterone, what intrigues a boy, how he behaves because of all the physical changes in him, how he will have issues learning how to lose, puberty, sexual awareness, mother and sons, daddy and sons, impact of early schooling on a boy, how the society is lacking in mentors today, and a whole lot of other stuff.

He raises many good points about raising boys which I find very relevant, but at this point, I am still struggling with making my son watch less tv while he eats. You know, still sweating the small stuff. This guy's tackling the big stuff man :)

I like the book eventhough I have never been a great fan of books this nature because there tends to be a lot of generalization. I think I am likely to make reference to in the course of raising Matthew. He writes with a good humour, which makes it an easy read unlike some very mechanical parenting books.

If you have a son like me, you might be interested to know this is how your son's brain functions. The mini portions of 'hopes for a better world' and 'deep questions of life' tickled me :)

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Can I Pull Through a No TV, No Makan?

Matt loves having me feed him - I guess it is because I engage him. I respond to whatever he is telling me. Even when he watches tv, he would tell me about what is happening, so I didn't make too much out of his watching tv during mealtimes, much as I hated this unhealthy habit since I caved in.

At my in-laws, it's a different situation. I don't think my helper or in-laws engage him the way I do. I have seen him staring intently at the screen. And not blink. For a long time. I asked my helper if they talked to him while he watches tv. Yeah, sometimes.

While we have in the past noticed that Matt spaces out sometimes, it wasn't until my in-laws were away on their vacation that I became concerned by how often he did that. He would stare at something, imaginary or real, for a long time. If I attempted to talk to him, he would sometimes repeat what I say, but clearly, he wasn't with me. While I was unsure if this behaviour was normal and would pass with further development stages, I was concerned that it might be related to him staring so intently at the tv for that full hour while he was being fed.

Then, to add on, I was aghast to find out that my in-laws give tv to him even for breakfasts, which has been a big no-no when he is with us!

Hubs observed Matt, and was also suitably concerned. So last week, we embarked on Project Cold Turkey. He confiscated all the DVDs at my in-laws house because we know they are not capable of handling a crying boy and would just give in every time. We also explained what is happening, and told them that if he doesn't eat with tv, well, he just doesn't get to eat.

To ease the transition, I went out to buy some little toys that could be brought to the dinner table so that he would be distracted. One battle at a time, no tv, then no toys.

So far, success has been mixed. He is ok with me, but not at my in-laws. I made a mistake of leaving one DVD there for in case. Hubs obviously knows his parents better than I do. I was upset, but then hey, they are the ones going through the difficulty feeding my son.

I don't know. Maybe I am doing things all wrong. Maybe it is normal to space out? What have I done to my boy? Whatever the case, I have been a horrible mama to have raised a kid who cannot eat without distraction.

Mama Plays Barber

I have been giving Matt little hair trims here and there between barber visits. Hubs prefers him to spot a "Korean heartthrob" messy-ish hairstyle rather than a clean-cut look. The little trimming sessions prevent his hair from getting way unruly.

He was seriously due for a haircut, though, beginning to look too messy for my liking. It also bothered him whenever he perspired. So we brought him to not 1 barber, but 3! While he went with the haircuts previously, this time round, all the barbers seemed the inject great fear in him. He was in tears, and struggled way too much for the barbers' comfort. So we went home with a Korean heartthrob who seemed to have not reached stardom to afford a haircut.

When you get desperate, you just whack. I donned a pair of Nuk little scissors, sat him on the sofa, took a deep breath and started to snip away, trying hard to remember how my hairdresser cut mine. I distracted him with a game on my iPhone. Bit by bit, the 15 minutes haircut yielded a look like as this -

Water Jugs

I bought these from Ang Mo Kio recently to replace the Japanese plastic ones. Although the latter is purportedly able to hold water of high temperatures, I am not comfortable with that concept somehow. My maid has a knack for doing that. Been reprimanded, but the practise doesn't stop.

At $12 per jug, I don't have to worry about all that crap or having to monitor the maid. Plus they look really good and add character to my kitchen.

The Nine Days

We hung out, went places. Monday we went, for the first time, to the National Museum for the Children's Season 2010, after reading about it on some blogs. I have been trying to arrange a playdate with my dear friend's daughter forever, but have not managed thus far because of work &/or nap time clash, so this week, we finally made it. We even managed 2 outings!

They had fun playing with the giant flannel storyboard, creating 6-legged sheep, and a ladder on a car since no fire engine could be found. They even tried to climb that little ladder. They got to try on some costume, which Matt totally hated.


I don't wanna be an insect; Izzy loving her frog costume

I also brought Matt for trial classes, first at BroadwayBabies at Kids Performing, and Kindermusik on another day. We both liked the former very much. The trainer was very good, very animated, and the kids loved him. To be able to command some attention from Matt, now that is something. Most importantly, Matt had fun. Maybe I might just tweak my work schedule and bring him there regularly.

Matt actually listening to teacher singing with a lego mike and reading Old MacDonald had a Farm

Then on Wednesday night, I thought he felt a tad bit too warm for my liking, and true enough, that night, his fever climbed up to 38.5C! Dang! When he woke up on Thursday morning, he was cranky, and spotted a wet nose :( We decided to bring him to the pediatrician in view of the long weekend. I braced myself for a full bout of flu since the last time he was ill was in October last year. But my little boy was a trooper, he fought it off on his own without medication, as he did the last round! Most proud of him. By Friday evening, the fever had worn off, and he was his jolly self again.

We also did some home improvement. We revamped Matt's bedroom, replacing his beloved sofa with a bed so that if we sleep over with him in his room, we have a proper bed rather than a sofa. Matt protested when he saw his favourite sofa gone, and cried endlessly until we had to drive him to sleep. Poor boy!

We moved the sofa to create a "second living room" upstairs. We now have a cozy chillout area. With a lot of coaxing and reasoning, Matt finally came to accept the new arrangement.

Oh, hubs and I have also embarked on a new project - gardening! We have absolutely the worst green fingers. We previously killed the most unkillable plant, so this will be a new challenge for us.

Been a good week for us, except dealing with the maids. Urgh. Don't wanna go there!

All's Well That Ends Well

What a bummer I had to go in to work on a Sunday, but if that half hour is what it takes to free me from going in tomorrow and disrupting my plans for the week, I took it on willingly.

Plus, Matt could run about here once I was done with work since this was near workplace. We chased birds, counted boats on the river, ate ice cream and ran about trying to tire ourselves out. A great end to the weekend!

The Week Ahead

My in-laws left for Australia for a 9-day vacation, so I have taken leave of absence from work to care full-time for Matt. My in-law's maid is staying over my place, so I am a little apprehensive about TWO maids at my place.

But more than anything, I am excited. There are so many things I want to get done this week. Home improvement. So many things I want to do with my boy, too. I have quite a number of activities planned out.

It started off well. I got home after half a day's work on Friday, put Matt to his nap, cooked his dinner and got everything ready in time to send my in-laws to the airport. We had enough time to let in-laws have late evening tea before check-in, for Matt to enjoy his routine shuttle train ride, and then drive to East Coast for dinner. Maybe as if knowing that he will have mama for the rest of the 9 days, he happily chomped down his dinner. We even had time to go for a short walk at the beach. In the darkness, I swayed him in my arms as he leaned comfortably on me, enjoying the sounds of the waves and the sea breeze.

Let good times with Matt continue to roll. Even better if hubs can manage some off days here and there. Please don't let the maids kill my good mood.

Toilet Training

I have been going at this rather inconsistently. Sometimes, I feel Matt is ready, I am very "on." Sometimes, I feel thwarted by my in-laws who don't quite follow the same things I do, but I cannot force them, so then I regress.

Pee-ing. We have been going diaperless from morning till about 3pm daily, bringing him on a regular basis to the toilet as he does not know yet how to tell us that he needs to go. But if we say "lets go pee" and he has the urge, he will run along. Otherwise, he sometimes ignores us, or protests at times. So we are slowly getting there.

My problem is at nap time and bedtime. He still takes in a whole lot of milk before he goes to sleep. The diaper I put on typically gets slightly soiled. I don't know how to tackle this. Do they learn / Are they expected to hold even with that amount of fluid consumed just prior to sleepy sleep? Or am I suppose to eliminate pre-sleep feeds?

Now poo-ing, I have a big problem. Only recently did I succeed in getting him to sit on the toilet bowl after buying him the Thomas Train toilet seat for some amount of money!! But hey, if it gets the job done, I'm happy. These days, he happily sits on it. But he just wouldn't poo. I might even venture to say he can hold it in until I give up after 15 mins of watching him on the throne. I'll wear the diaper for him to take his nap, and then he'll royally do his business with the diaper on.

How man?

Changi Boardwalk

Last Saturday evening saw no rain and great weather in the evening, so we headed for the great outdoors. We decided on a different "walking material" for a change. So we headed to Changi Boardwalk. Not too strenuous like the 4.5km MacRitchie Tree Top Walk.


The Changi Boardwalk is a scenic coastal walk with panaromic views of the Changi coastline, with sailing boats gently bobbing up and down as the sun sets far down the horizon. It was a peaceful walk, with frequent stops as little Matt looked curiously at motor boats zooming by, canoes stacked up neatly in their rack, straw huts, the jetty and occasional planes flying by.

Canoes "come alive" for Matt; staring intently at the sail boats


The unmistakable father-son stride


My very happy boy

Library Books

We borrowed quite a number of library books. Matt fell in love with a few -

Ted and Fred Go Camping - Similar to another favourite book we have from the Ted and Fred series, this book teaches opposites through a fun story of two dogs going camping. Matt absolutely loves this book that we must've read it at least 50 times in the last 3 weeks. He has even memorized the book!! I hear him reciting the story in his car seat, before he falls asleep, or when he is lazing in bed before he gets up.

Pigs Love Potatoes - This book features mommy pig cooking potatoes for her family. As more and more piggies join her household, mommy pig has to cook more and more potatoes. Matt especially loves the page where he counts 1 to 9, and yells out loud that there are 9 pigs! Since this book, he has taken to eating potato with greater delight! :)

Pigs Might Fly - Inspired by the original Three Little Pigs, the authors weaved another story of how the pigs join a plane contest to get free pies and the big bad wolf tries to thwart their plan. Quite a hilarious story, which Matt enjoyed thoroughly since this involved aeroplanes and not just houses.

Red Light, Green Light - A picture book that shows how a little boy creatively used his toys, cars, animal figurines, pencils and books to build various traffic scenarios. Matt is too young to know all that subtlety, but he enjoyed the book for all the vehicles and colourful drawings.

The other 3 books were not such great hits with Matt.

He really loves the first 2 books, which made me wonder if I should buy our own copies. But wouldn't that defeat the purpose of borrowing and the concept of library?! Well, if I did, I guess it is a surer way of knowing that he will like the book if I bought it.

I explained to him how I need to return the over-due books this morning, how he will not see the books at least for a while, and how he should share, and how we will get new books, but my poor little boy could not comprehend all that and protested hard with tears in his eyes.

But lets see. Maybe other new borrowed books will do the trick.

Why Stop At Growth Spurt?

Wouldn't it be lovely if there were toddler nap spurts and sleep spurts?

The Dilemma

Matt turns 3 this year. Most kids his age are already attending pre-school. Matt? He stays home mostly, doing jack. He spends his days playing with his train set, fixing puzzles, watching Word World and Wheels on the Bus DVDs, listening to me reading story books to him, taking bus and mrt rides, running around in the garden, digging sand at the playground nearby, spending time at yeye's place learning nothing constructive. The only class he attends is his weekly swim class.

There was, and still is, a lot of inertia and reluctance on my part to start him at pre-school. I am not a cool mom when Matt falls ill, and I am certain he will fall sick often if he attends pre-school. Rite of passage, building up immunity - I know all about that, but I felt subjecting little Matt to all these were unnecessary. Not at that age, anyways. A November baby, he was barely 2 in Jan!

I wanted Matt to have a childhood where mama is around. I wanted to give Matt a childhood. A longer childhood. A fun childhood. One that he will remember playing hide-and-seek with mama, laughing hysterically when we roll around the bed, one where he kicks air instead of the ball and falls and still laughs gleefully. General silliness. A childhood that he explores things on his own - notices the lizard on the ceiling, that grass is soft, that some bugs fly, that people have emotion, all in his own time. Not through classroom learning.

And I guess I do not want him to grow up too fast.

He enjoys books, has good motor skills, speaks some, sings some, knows to share, is gentle, is cheeky, and most importantly, has fun doing all the things he does every day. I'd like to think he is developing well.

Sometimes though, I self-doubt. I know I am not doing enough for Matt. I don't have many flash cards. He doesn't learn phonics. He doesn't know colouring. He is not interested in hand painting. He doesn't really know how to recite A-Z. He doesn't know how to hold a real conversation yet. His peers are doing more or less of all that.

I look at him these days, and I know he is capable of so much more, and learning more than he is now. Why am I not taking advantage of this? Am I doing him a disservice by keeping him at home?

I finally got my act together and registered him for N2 which starts next year. I might just be the last mother standing who starts her kid in school at 4! Maybe I should be doing more in the time being. Like start him in a pre-school right away? I don't know. Inertia.

I still want him to just have fun. Being silly. At home. With me.

Changing Faces Year 2

Most noticeable change - more hair!

Changing Faces Year 1

Miss those days when Matt was chubby chubby.

Pixel Perfect

My first love in photography when I first could afford a film SLR was landscape photography. Naturally, that came with a love for travelling to places with great wonders of nature. There's something about being out there, standing small, up against the mountain so high, the sky so wide. I love it.

And then to try and capture what I see with my camera. Typically, I will try and try to adjust the perfect shutter speed and aperture, shoot and shoot, then keep my fingers crossed that the prints will come out great (those days, with film, you never know what you gonna get).

Batam, 2007

Nepal, 2002

South Africa, 2006

California, 2005

I don't get as much time doing landscape photography these days. I miss it. It has been overtaken by portrait photography. Which is, to me anyways, a completely different thing.

With landscape photography, my subjects - the mountains, seas, long stretches of beaches, amazing canyons and lakes, skies so blue, green gardens - all stand still for me as I attempt the perfect shot.

Portraits - I suck at it. My subject looks left, right, up and down. Fidgets. Runs. I am never quick enough. Sometimes, by the time I get my camera, the act is all over. My lighting is always inadequate, or too much. Once in a while, I get good ones. But never consistent. Which is frustrating. I wanna take better portraits of Matthew, and people in general. I want to take shots like they do in the studios. So nice.

Oh, and bless Steven Sasson for the invention of the digital camera. I can now practise without thinking about the costs of film and developing.

So practise I will, and improve I hope I will.