No Comparison Please

If you have been following my blog, you will know about me not wanting Matthew to grow up too quickly.

Of late, I have been thinking about that alot. Especially after swimming lesson 2 weeks ago.

A quick background.

Matt used to attend the class with an expat coach, who is way patient and very encouraging. Then he started school, and we had to switch his class to Saturday. Now, this coach's approach is more no-nonsense, as evidenced in my first class with her. There was 4.5-year old girl there for a trial, and she was very reluctant to swim away from her mom. So when the coach took her away, the poor girl yelled and wailed. I could tell that the mom was very pained and wanted a more gradual approach. The coach tried to persuade the girl, telling her it doesn't hurt, that it's ok. But when the girl cried louder, she reprimanded her. And the mom. We never saw them again.

While I empathised with the girl and her mom, I also felt that the coach is right to an extent, that she is old enough to take instruction and at least try to swim for that few seconds. If she then decides she hates swimming, well, at least she tried. But being a mother, I silently took sides with the child and her mom, and I hope they find a coach that clicks with them.

As I am writing this, I realise I am giving a background on this coach, maybe in defence of what I am going to be talking about next. Is she just a nasty coach, or maybe there is really truth in what she says?

Now. Matt is not very good yet at listening to instructions, not very aware of social space and his surroundings. Only recently did he started speaking more, but no "real" 2-way communication. But he is slowly getting there. All we do is speak to him normally, and we know he will eventually get there, speech, awareness and all.

During one of the lessons, he climbed out of the pool and was toddling in his baby way towards the slide

Coach: "Matthew like very blur ah? Like baby. How old is he?"

I nodded my head, looking proudly at my son, completely unprepared for what was to come.

Me: "Ya, like a baby still. He will turn 3 next month"

Then came the blow.

Coach: "In other words, slow lah."

What followed were some exchanges with me defending with arguments along lines of how kids develop at different pace, how girls and boys are different, and how every child is different; while she did a few comparison with the other kids in the class, and Matt turned out to be the youngest with the smallest gap of 5 months and largest, 7 months. It concluded with her somewhat agreeing with me that every kid is different, and gave me some tips as to how to help Matt improve with his swim.

But I was troubled by the exchange. I thought about it through the long drive home. I was bothered for the rest of the afternoon. I didn't know what to think. Or do. Is there anything I could do? Is there anything I have done wrong?

I have always reminded myself not to compare. Because really, every individual is unique. They each have their own strengths in different areas. I can easily walk this talk myself, but when someone else tells you otherwise and compares your kid to his peers and points out that he is lacking, it jabs you somewhere deep.

When Matt woke up from his nap, we played the whole evening, and he was his usual goofy self. And I thought to myself, I am being silly. Matthew is my son, and I love him for all that he is. The goofy, sensitive boy that he is. And everything that he is not, too. And I have to keep reminding myself when others compare him unfavourably to not be too affected, hard as it may.